Parental
Responsibility in Disciplining Children
Children do not want
discipline and parents do not want to administer it. More than likely undisciplined children are the result of
undisciplined parents. Our main
problem is not delinquent children, but delinquent parents.
The training and discipline of children is not a
simple task. It is a job that is
never completed. Every generation
of parents faces the same assortment of problems with its children that
its parents faced with them. Every generation of parents feels about as
unprepared for their responsibilities as their parents did. Yet, Christian parents have an outside
authority, the Bible, for raising their children. God has made a revelation to Christian parents on child
training. Being a Christian
doesnŐt keep one from facing the difficulties that other parents face, but you
do have the counsel of God and the power of God to help you in the
difficulties.
Discipline
is a very unpleasant task for the child and the parent. This is why parents often neglect their
duty. Discipline is contrary
to human nature and this is why God has had to command Christians to do it.
God has told us in the Bible that there is pattern for government in
the Christian home. The Christian
home is not a democracy; however, democratic principles do operate in the
home. The Christian home is to be
a sovereign rule: Christ over the family, the husband over the wife, and the
parents over the children, with each member relating his or her life back to
Christ. The government of a
Christian home is an authoritarian rule governed by love. Each member of the family has rights,
duties and responsibilities and these are to be respected but the ultimate rule
in the family is the responsibility of the father, who is directly responsible
to God.
There are at least four wrong concepts of family
government prevalent today.
Anarchy. This
is when there is no government and each member of the family only lives for
himself or herself. There is no
love, discipline, organization or responsibility, for every person is
doing that which is right in his own eyes. This is simply a place where people hang their hats but it
is not a home.
Authoritarian. This is
the home where the father is a tyrant and abuses his authority, making the home
like a concentration camp. The
problem here is that authority is abused and love is not shown.
Wife-centered. This
is a home where the woman dominates and rules according to her whims. Sometimes
this happens because men will not pick up their responsibilities, but more than
likely it is a result of a dominant, selfish woman who wants everything to go
her way.
Child-centered.
This is a home where there is plenty of outward love but no discipline
and the life of the parents revolves around the children. The children become self-centered,
sassy, do not respect authority and run all over their parents.
The Christian home is a place where God expects
children to learn respect for authority, and respect for authority comes only
as a child learns obedience and to submit his will to his parents and
ultimately to God. John Abbot, in
his book The Mother at Home, says,
ŇObedience is absolutely
essential to proper family government.
Without this, all other efforts will be in vain. You may pray with, and for your
children; you may strive to instruct them in religious truth; you may be
unwearied in your efforts to make them happy, and to gain their affection; but
if they are in habits of disobedience, your instructions will be lost, and your
toil in vain. And by obedience,
I do not mean languid and dilatory yielding to repeated threats, but prompt and
cheerful acquiescence in parental commands. Neither is it enough that a child
should yield to your arguments and persuasions. It is essential that he should submit to your authority.Ó
Almost every young boy, usually in the teen-age
years, challenges his fatherŐs authority by flexing his muscles. Fathers should never let their sons hit
them, even at play.
Parents are Commanded to
Discipline Their Children (Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4; Heb. 12:7, 9).
All through the Bible it is commanded for parents to
discipline their children. A
failure to discipline children when they are disobedient is not an act of love
but of stupidity. Parents are in
rebellion to God when they fail to discipline their children. Parents will reap what they sow if they
fail to faithfully administer discipline in the home.
Types of Discipline. All discipline does not
have to be physical in nature, but is must always be corrective. It must be geared to teach a child
submission. Never give a
command to a child that you do not expect to be obeyed; if the child is
disobedient, then punish the child until his stubborn will is broken.
Talking. In some cases talking to the child may suffice, if
the child is truly repentant. However, even if the child is repentant it may be
necessary to inflict physical pain as a reminder that a command or trust
was broken.
Exhortation. Some
children respond under certain circumstances to a firm scolding in love. This
could be in terms of a warning, but only warn once.
Removal of Privileges. This may be effective,
especially as the child gets older.
But take away privileges that will shake the child to the reality that
as a parent you mean business.
Physical Punishment. A good spanking will teach a
child to submit. Be sure and spank
hard enough that the child knows that to do it again will mean more of the
same. There is a need to
understand the difference between spanking a child and hitting a child. Spanking is a deliberate punishment,
given without anger, and applied to the bare bottom of a child. Hitting is usually in anger and may be
upon the face, arms or body.
Hitting a child is not discipline.
Conclusion. When
you as a parent are tempted to let disobedience pass by in the child without
punishment, remember that your sweet little girl undisciplined may turn out to
be the town harlot, or that cute little boy the city drug addict or drunk.
Parents are to Apply
Physical Discipline.
Satan has managed to delude parents who vigorously
believe in literal interpretation of Scripture into thinking that GodŐs method
of Ňthe rodÓ isnŐt to be taken literally.
The Bible commands that physical discipline be applied to a child
and every child needs it at times (some more and some less). The question before the Christian is
whether they are going to believe GodŐs Word or modern day, non-Christian
psychologists on the matter of discipline.
1. Parents are to train their
children (Prov. 22:6).
2. Parents are to correct their
children (Prov. 23:13).
3. Parents who do not
discipline with a rod hate their children (Prov. 13:24).
4. Parents who love their child
use the rod (Prov. 13:24).
5. Physical discipline will not
kill a young child (Prov. 23:13).
6. Physical discipline drives
away the foolishness of children (Prov. 23:14).
7. Physical discipline brings
wisdom, but an undisciplined child brings reproach on a family (Prov. 29:15).
8. A disciplined child brings
great joy to the parents (Prov. 29:17).
9. Parents are not to let the
crying of a child deter them from spanking their child (Prov. 19:18).
The Old
Testament, especially in relationship to the nation Israel, puts great emphasis
upon correcting rebellious children. (Deut. 21:18-21). These verses are not completely
applicable to the Church but they show how parents must put aside their
personal feelings and do what is right to discipline a rebellious child.
Parents are
to Administer Discipline in Love (Heb. 12:6-9).
Love is not giving in to every whim of the child, but love is thinking
about what is best for the child. Real love disciplines a child. A father should never spank his child
when angry, in a fit of temper, or without having sufficient facts to
administer punishment. He should
tell his child that this is being done because he loves him and, after the
discipline, the father should take the child in his arms and assure him of his
love. Punishment in love by
inflicting pain will draw a child closer to the parent rather than away from
the parent because the child cannot live apart from the parentŐs love.
Conclusion.
It is a very serious thing for parents to trifle
with their duty to discipline their children. Eternal destinies are committed to the trust of the
parents. Abbot says,
ŇThe exercise of discipline
must often be painful; but if you shrink from duty here, you expose yourself to
all that sad train of woes which disobedient children leave behind them. If you cannot summon sufficient
resolution to deprive enjoyment and inflict pain when it is necessary, then you
must feel that a broken heart and an old age of sorrow will not be
unmerited. And when you look upon
your dissolute sons and ungrateful daughters, you must remember that the time
was when you might have checked their evil propensities. If you love momentary ease better than
your childrenŐs welfare and your own permanent happiness, you cannot
murmur at the lot you have freely chosen.
And when you meet your children at the bar of God, and they point to you
and say, ÔIt was through your neglect of duty that we are banished from heaven,
and consigned to endless woe,Ő you must feel what no tongue can tell.Ó
One of the big problems of many parents is that they
think that their little darlings can do no wrong. Nothing is more pathetic than
parents who are blind to wrong behavior in their children. Everyone else can see it—but they
cannot or will not.
Any
judge or policeman can tell you stories about parents who shut their eyes to
their childrenŐs sins. The youngster breaks the law and the police take him
into custody. There is no question
about guilt. Yet, parents will
insist ŇBut your honor, he is such a good boy.Ó Any school teacher will tell you of parents who constantly
take their childrenŐs side against the schoolŐs. They refuse to accept the judgment of a teacher that their
child has misbehaved. Instead of
punishing the child, the parents set out to get the teachers.
Parents, blind to their childrenŐs faults, cannot chasten them or admonish them—and the child is the loser. Parents who are too busy, tired, lazy, egocentric or indifferent to discipline their children are not obeying God. Their children may become delinquent because of their lack of consistent discipline.